girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
