Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
