They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
