There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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