Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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