I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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