Your face is a jimmy john
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
