your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
