I swear she didn't look like that last week.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
