Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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