You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
