Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
