i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
