Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
be right there i have to get my cape
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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