11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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