How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
