omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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