He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
