We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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