He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
