I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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