I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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