I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
