Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize