i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
