Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize