Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
