Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
