9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
