he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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