I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
