did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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