Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
