I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
