Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
