Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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