they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
