people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
