I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
