mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
