She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
