Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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