I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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