She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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