I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
