I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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