come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
