DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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