so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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