Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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