I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize