He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
