It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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