Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i believe in u and ur pee
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
