I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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