There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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