Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
