I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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