I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
