i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
why do cheetos always look like penises
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
