you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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