The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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