I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
